first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can't turn off my feet"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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