I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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