Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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