Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i would one night stand the shit outta him
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
