I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
