I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's official drugs can't kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize