This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
