Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
there's paper in my vomit.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
