exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
handjob tips. give me some.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
