watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
