Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
