Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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