it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
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You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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