Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
