All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
