In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
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Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
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We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize