Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
