Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
