I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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