May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
