Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
