JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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