I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
