i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
