Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Randomize
