my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That accounts for only three of the penises
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE