I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?