Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
smell my finger.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Floor bacon is actually really good