oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
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Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
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Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.