I can text with my tongue
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra