This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
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there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
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I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure