that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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