Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
