Your dad touched me again.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
