Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
