My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
