did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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