I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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