You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize