I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's official drugs can't kill me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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