Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
