Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
