We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
