What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
