Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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