Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Found your dick twin last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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