that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
