Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
