wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
