By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
