I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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