see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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