I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
