I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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