I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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