So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i came on her dog
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
