at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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