I'm so fucking centered right now
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
