But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
wow bdsm is so cute
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
