Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
