Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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