Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
