New low: just hacked my moms facebook
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
