I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
