remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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