Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
