I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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