Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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