Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
