Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
