Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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