she smelled like a LAN party
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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