Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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