so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
