Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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