If i come over, it means nothing
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
