I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
