My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
