My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just found puke in my bra..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
