he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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