Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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