Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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