I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
