And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
