hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
