it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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