Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
