We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Someone shattered a urinal.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
