my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My pussy is not your playground.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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